Time for reflection

Every so often, I believe its important to try and back- track on concepts, notions, quotes, principles that one has learnt in the course of the year. I think the acquaintance with the order of St Francis Asissi was the pinnacle for 2010.

A Cruck frame drawing

Drawn with leaky cheap red biro with fine nib, cheapo biros have their qualities which are lacking in the all-dominant Bic variety.

Architecture of infinity

This drawing I did managed to use a whole biro for one drawing, it extends across by about 2 and half metres. This only represents one segment of the drawing.

Belleville Rendezvous la la la la..

Apologies for exuberant expressions on notes ( bad habit).

During summer 2010, discovered 'Belleville Rendezvous' 2003, a quirky, funny, visually stunning animation by talented French animator: Sylvain Chomet. These are the notes made after watching it, tried to dissect the narrative strands and list the quirks.

The Genius of Glenn Gould

In order not to bore anyone to death, key facts about Glenn Gould (September 25, 1932 – October 4, 1982), Pianist. Mainly plays Bach.

1. He would hum whilst playing the piano, even in concerts; it was a bad habit.
2. His dilapidated chair was a compulsory requirement for his playing in both private and public performance. The seat level is well below the usual par in height terms.
3. He would not shake hands with anyone for fear of ruining his hands.
4. He was single all or most of his life.
5. He used to eat eggs at approx 2-3am in the morning at the diner everyday!
6. He was a reclusive.

His strangeness makes him even more mythic somehow.

Edward Elgar (2 June 1857 – 23 February 1934)

Last week, there was a 1hour30 documentary about Edward Elgar's life. He really is a genious, the sound he creates are so strange compared to other composers. I suppose Vaugh Williams is another English composer that has this way with creating strange ambiences compared to composers from the Continent. The ambience conjures up a fantasmagorical parallel universe in the English countryside, the kind of place where anglicised Brothers Grimm fairytales happen, like Alice in Wonderland stylie.

Edward Elgar's Sospiri is a favourite one. It's story is extra poignant by the fact that it was composed just at the beginning of World War I.

Knotty day: Part 2: What is the point of architecture?

Anyways, this is part 2 of my knotty looking notes on the knotty issue of Architecture's raison d'etre. I had problems loading it up last time..... enjoy the confusion...

Henry Marsh: Self-less man who has given his intellect to helping the desperate

Henry Marsh is an inspiration, for a decade or so now, he has given his intellect and life to helping desperate sufferers of neurological diseases in the Ukraine. The documentary was called: The English Surgeon. We get an insight into how he works and how he economises, it's a very interesting reveal.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b009s0rd

Igor Petrovich is his assistant, he is/was equally extraordinary, there was a scene where he was struggling to tell a 23 year old trendy young person that she will die from an inoperable brain tumour in 3 years, it was a powerful scene that has stayed with me. Igor clearly was feeling the pain. I really don't have the expressive powers to communicate how distressingly tense the consultation was, quite heart-rending.

A memorial drawing to the Vietnam War

A memorial drawing to all the victims of the Vietnamese and Cambodian civil war, may you rest in peace. And a tribute to all other war victims too. May the loved ones find solace in their restfulness.

I draw them to mourn them. I draw them to digest their despair. I draw them to absorb their terror. I draw them to seek a consolation from this somehow.

Inexpensive crayons will do for rendering.

I have found no difference between brands for crayons, what's important is the GRAIN of the paper. Each to their own.

Beatrix Potters Drawing Room (literally the drawing room)

I would love to have this room for drawing. The table is like a central long island and there is a leaning table placed at the left end upon which she draws her Peter Rabbit drawings.

This was drawn from real time viewing of the Beatrix Potter film with Rene Zellweger and Ewan Mcgregor (2007).


I apologise for the notations I use, it has become systematic now through habit. Also apologies for the exuberant expressions, but if one really likes something one should do a celebratory drawing for it, to acknowledge it? Well, its habit.

Drawn and viewed film at Xmas 2009

Am I the only person in the world that understands this?

Who said this? It's one of my favourite speeches of all time.

There are known knowns, they are things we know we know

There are known unknowns, that is to say, we now know things we did not know.

There are unknown unknowns, there are things we do not know we don't know.

(Makes me laugh, but it makes logical sense albeit convoluted)

Schopenhauer : what matters is who we truly are

My 'act of anthropy' by telling you about Schopenhauer:

He says: Be yourself!

Transcript of what Alain de Botton said about the philosophy of Schopenhauer from

Youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LyE4wXvJmTQ

How much justice lies in the worlds assessment of you?
perhaps the most trenchant advocate of this position was the 19th century philosopher Author Schopenhauer.
He said: We will gradually become indifferent about what goes on in the minds of other people, when we acquire a knowledge of the superficial nature of their thoughts, the narrowness of their views and the number of their errors.
Whoever attaches alot of value on the opinion of others pays them too much honour.

References to an example award ceremony, then says:
Many of us work for the respect of our peers as much as to earn, Schopenhauer urges us to be aware. Schopenhauer believed that we were chronically prone to overrate the opinion of others. We don't stop to ask ourselves what basis these opinions are formed. If we did, we would often find that those who are successful, who is a failure is based on nothing more than suspicion, rumour and fashion.

A lady (award recipient) features and she says ' to be actually recognised for something by these really influential and prestigious people is just the most amazing feeling'.

A Man (award recipient) says: It just feels fantastic, its like some sort of justification for what we have been trying to do.

Schopenhauer said: Other peoples heads are too wretched a place for true happiness to have its seat. Would a musician feel proud from the loud applause of an audience, the philosopher asked, if it were known to him that it consisted entirely of deaf people.

Schopenhauers argument could be described as 'intelligent misanthropy'. Its draw back is that we could end up like the philosopher himself did, with few friends, living alone in a flat in Frankfurt with only a poodle for company.

But it also offers us a bracing antedote for our anxiety and vulnerability, the good opinion we crave DON'T actually know us, so why let their verdicts govern what we make of ourselves?

What Schopenhauer urges us to do is to trust ourselves, to analyse ourselves, rather than base our ideas on public opinion, what matters is NOT what we seem to the world BUT in fact what we truly are.

(wow, so poetically put too)..

Extract from Notebook: September 2009

Just Random stuff.

My attempt so far, One day I will......

take the plunge and actually DRAW the Trevi Fountain! The 3-dimensional geometry of theatrical sculpture set is overwhelmingly 'bitty'. But, for the time being, I will just keep thinking about it till I feel the internal motive force compelling me to regugitate what I see onto some papier.
(I can't wait) no wait, I can wait, haha..

Above drawing was done in July 2010.

Elizabeth 1st avian based sartorial stylings

A while back, I realised that I might have discovered an unprecedented link. I discovered in a bird book this extraordinary looking bird : the ruff sandpiper birds (top image). I have no proof as to whether the stylist of Elizabeth 1st based the design on this particular bird, but it was a great connection to make.

Extract from Notebook on one of those 'knotty days'

This particular knotty day was a few months ago, late spring.

I was watching Newsnight Review or what is now called 'The Review show', it was about what was the point of the novel? That set me off in a direction of what is the point of architecture? Anyways, these abstract notes are what I have to show for it.

Admittedly, I don't fully understand all my notes now. It's one of those situations where the state of mind can never be fully recaptured, like re-reading a poem that made you euphoric on one day because of the clarity of vision it gave you, then re-reading it another day and not quite understanding why it made you feel that way. So all you have remaining is the 'memory of the euphoria and not the europhia itself'. (I think that's clear ummmm?)

Have you ever heard music that compresses the cardiovascular chambers?

Julia Hamari St Mathews Passion, Erbame dich Mein Gott.
(Above sketch by me was done a year ago)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aPAiH9XhTHc


I know its out of season to be referencing Easter related things at a time nearing Christmas but this particular interpretation of Erbame dich Mein Gott must be flagged up. It's Sunday today, so is feeling the 'holy state of mind'. Erbame dich mein Gott has the power to compress the cardiovascular chambers because it sounds so sad and the way she sings it with such a perfect pitch balance of sincerity and mourning.
A singers mannerisms are very important, not to overdo the expressiveness and yet not underplay it either, I think would be hard pressed to find a better rendition than this one.



Andreas Scholl and Magdalena Kozõená have also done versions of this. If you want to hear a man with an unthinkably high pitched voice, listen to Andreas Scholl !




Magdalena Kozõená Bach Cantatas - Sir John Eliot Gardiner is excellent, again, Magdelena's mannerisms are unique in the singing world, it's a slight awkwardness, meaningfulness to each explusion of sound and again painful sincerity. Perhaps this is key to the success of effective or affecting/affective singing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YdJr4BfQ1Yw

Mark Lawson 1962 (age 48)

He is by far the best interviewer (and team possibly) I have come across. He can ask very insightful questions that kind of stun you when you hear them sometimes because you were probably thinking the question in some deeper region of your mind but it didn't occur to you that it ought to be verbalised, well he does just that, even when they are quite bold questions but his reasonableness and a sort of kindness almost like that of a psychiatrist means he can carry it off.

Anyways, this is a tribute to his good work.

A random recollection

As Time goes by, favourite comedy series.

I really miss the South Bank Show. Sometimes in the moments of solitary silence I get these flashbacks of things people have said, just now had a recollection of what Judy Dench said in her interviews that she had this habit or NEED to place her bag at a very particular location near the door in rehearsal rooms because in such a crowded environment she wouldn't have to fluster about to get her handbag in an evacuation based situation.

This type of psychology speaks to me about an anxiety and a nervous disposition that is like a default setting, so a person thinks of danger before any indicator of threat is present.

I don't know why I remember this?

What does it mean when you involuntarily remember odd facts and quotations. Am I tuning into the brain's physiological demand for such information, that my conscious mind is not privy to approving the requirement of it so that it is an insight to the mind's sub-conscious interest in this case it is self-preservation? ummmm....?

Einstein's brain anatomy

What I love about wiki are these dedicated pages to a very specific thing like say : Albert Einstein's brain. We all have our anecdotes of knowledge and my sentences usually start off with
'ooo einstein's brain, some pathologist nicked it and chopped it up into 24o neat cutlets of 1cm3 volume and plonked them in 2 food jars for like 2 decades'.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Albert_Einstein%27s_brain

There are many ethical questions about such a practice of stealing a part of the deceased body without the permission from relatives for the benefit of humanity's collective knowledge, discourse about which one can find on the net.

The part of his brain engaged with mathematical, spatial and movement thoughts was 15% larger in volume than the average person. But his linguistic/verbal brain area was undersized compared to the average.
I often imagine whether the architects have enlarged plumped up brain matter in the faculties relevant to spatial imaginings?
MRI please Research people... need to seek it out.

Isn't it fascinating that the physcial structure of the brain and its density is proportionate to what and how intensively we think about things..... (thrilling).

I know they did some MRI tests for 'Actors' brains, Fiona Shaw undertook a scan, here's the article/video, I'm not too sure what was concluded other than actors have immersive imaginations where the mind can set up comprehensive scenes within their mental vision to the point of utmost immersion comparable to a vivid reality of it own.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/video/2009/nov/24/fiona-shaw-brain-scan

Swan Lake ballet by the Mariinsky theatre

I have seen many versions of Swan Lake but it took this particular rendering of the ballet piece for me to embrace the ballet with fervour!!! It features the Mariinsky theatre company and stars Ulyana Lopatkina & Danila Korsuntsev.

Someone has been nice enough to post this on Youtube, I've been tracking it down intermittently over the past year and low and behold, I recently discovered my beloved Swan Lake, here you go:

Please watch, if you don't like ballet, then maybe this particular scene will convert you.
The scene is the Spanish Dance, then look out for the Hungarian Dance a little way into the footage. They have beautiful posture and flow in perfect correspondence with the music. I often ask myself why we find motion and musical flow so captivating, why does the resonance grip us this way, cognitively speaking?

The Spanish Dance starts @ 1.44 minutes in.
The Hungarian Dance starts @ 5.55 minutes in.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DtHl9haujkQ

Arthur Schopenhauer 22 February 1788 – 21 September 1860

Arthur Schopenhauer 22 February 1788 – 21 September 1860
I have alot to add to this article about Schopenhauer, but in the meantime here are some of his best quotes:

Some of my favourite quotes from him:

Compassion is the basis of morality.

Buying books would be a good thing if one could also buy the time to read them in: but as a rule the purchase of books is mistaken for the appropriation of their contents.

As the biggest library if it is in disorder is not as useful as a small but well-arranged one, so you may accumulate a vast amount of knowledge but it will be of far less value than a much smaller amount if you have not thought it over for yourself.

Boredom is just the reverse side of fascination: both depend on being outside rather than inside a situation, and one leads to the other.

After your death you will be what you were before your birth.

All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.

Every possession and every happiness is but lent by chance for an uncertain time, and may therefore be demanded back the next hour.

It is a clear gain to sacrifice pleasure in order to avoid pain

It is only at the first encounter that a face makes its full impression on us.

Nature shows that with the growth of intelligence comes increased capacity for pain, and it is only with the highest degree of intelligence that suffering reaches its supreme point.

Reading is equivalent to thinking with someone else's head instead of with one's own.

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind; the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity.

The two enemies of human happiness are pain and boredom.

Jonathan Foyle's 'Climbing Great Buildings'

Jonathan Foyle's 'Climbing Great Buildings' broadcasted early September 2010. It was aired at 6.30pm BBC2 over a two week period, featured 15 episodes. My favourite one was St Paul's Cathedral, but then again I did miss about half of the series. I think the series is on Youtube, so I must catch up!

Pasted the subjacent text from somewhere on web (I take no credit for the following descriptions):

Season 1 Episode 1
Durham Cathedral Jonathan Foyle scales Britain's most famous buildings to reveal their secrets and tell the story of how architecture and construction have developed over the past 1,000 years. The journey begins in the north-east of England at Durham Cathedral, one of the finest surviving examples of Norman architecture in the UK

Season 1 Episode 2
Lincoln Cathedral Architectural historian Jonathan Foyle is joined by expert climber Lucy Creamer to scale Lincoln Cathedral, which was built in 1183, and was once the tallest structure in Britain. During their ascent, the pair marvel at the skill of the medieval gothic craftsmen responsible for creating the building's many features, including the Dean's Eye stained glass window and the city's famous evil imp

Season 1 Episode 3
Caernarfon Castle Jonathan Foyle and Lucy Creamer head for Caernarfon Castle in North Wales. Built in 1283, its architecture revolutionised the way fortresses were constructed in Britain, and its decorations were inspired by the city of Constantinople when it was under Roman rule. The presenter climbs 100ft up the Eagle tower and investigates the military innovation concealed in the fortified main entrance

Season 1 Episode 4
New College Oxford Jonathan Foyle climbs the spires of New College, Oxford, a building constructed in 1379 that set the blueprint for universities all over the world. He investigates how the Black Death led to an architectural innovation and reveals how the quadrangle originated here. He also discovers carvings of English folk tales in the chapel and learns how a glazing technique helped create the medieval stained glass

Season 1 Episode 5
Layer Marney Tower Architectural historian Jonathan Foyle and climber Lucy Creamer scale Layer Marney Tower near Colchester to discover the innovations of the Tudor builders and craftsmen, and reveal the connection between Parmesan cheese and the ornate terracotta carvings that decorate the building

Season 1 Episode 6
Burghley House Jonathan Foyle is aided by Lucy Creamer as he climbs Burghley House in Lincolnshire, which was built to impress Queen Elizabeth I on her many trips around the country. He scales up to the roof to view a unique playground of hidden ornate sculpture where royalty and ambassadors were entertained, and deciphers the mysterious symbols that adorn the structure

Season 1 Episode 7
St Paul's Cathedral Jonathan Foyle and Lucy Creamer head for St Paul's Cathedral in London, which was designed by 17th-century architect Christopher Wren, and has dominated the capital's skyline for more than 300 years. The pair abseil straight down the centre of the structure's distinctive dome, and reveal some of the innovative building techniques used during its construction

Season 1 Episode 8
Blenheim Palace Jonathan Foyle and Lucy Creamer explore Blenheim Palace in Oxfordshire, gaining unprecedented access to the 18th-century stately home, which was built as a reward for the Duke of Marlborough's defeat of King Louis XVI of France. The duo examine the Baroque building as they try to decipher the carved stories that decorate the walls, take a look at a flamboyant sculpture, and admire the hand-painted ceiling

Season 1 Episode 9
Clifton Suspension Bridge Jonathan Foyle is joined by champion climber Lucy Creamer in Bristol to scale the Clifton Suspension Bridge and learn about Isambard Kingdom Brunel's design. The pair climb to heights of more than 300ft to see the revolutionary chains that made the construction possible, before investigating the secret chambers incorporated in the towers and the Victorian engineering methods that allow expansion and contraction to ensure safety

Season 1 Episode 10
St Pancras Jonathan Foyle and Lucy Creamer scale St Pancras, one of London's most impressive Victorian stations. Along the way, they investigate the innovative techniques used to construct the train terminals and the elegant Midland Hotel, and discover how a poet prevented one of the capital's greatest landmarks from being torn down

Season 1 Episode 11
Glasgow School of Art Dr Jonathan Foyle scales Glasgow's School of Art to learn about the history and architectural secrets of the building designed by Charles Rennie Macintosh and built in 1897. Aided by expert climber Lucy Creamer, he reveals how the building is modelled on a baronial castle and investigates how nature and the industrial revolution combine when he explores one of the greatest rooms in Europe - the Macintosh Library

Season 1 Episode 12
Liver Building Jonathan Foyle is joined by climbing expert Lucy Creamer to scale the Liver Building in Liverpool, which was Britain's first skyscraper and influenced buildings all over the world. He ascends more than 250ft to reveal how the structure is not quite what it seems, investigates how a concrete boat paved the way for its construction in 1908 and traverses a sheer drop to get up close to its famous birds

Season 1 Episode 13
Coventry Cathedral Dr Jonathan Foyle explores Coventry Cathedral, which has come to symbolise the rebirth of a nation after it was built in the 1950s following extensive damage to its forerunner, St Michael's, in the Second World War. Aided by climber Lucy Creamer, he abseils between the old and new structures, examining how Basil Spence's experiences of fighting in Normandy influenced his design of the building

Season 1 Episode 14
Lloyds Building Jonathan Foyle is accompanied by Lucy Creamer as he climbs the Lloyds Building in the heart of London. He abseils more than 300 feet to reveal how the ultra-modern construction was inspired by a gothic castle, scales the stainless steel exterior to explain why it is known as the inside-out building, and investigates its humble beginnings as a coffee shop

Season 1 Episode 15
Imperial War Museum North Jonathan Foyle and Lucy Creamer embark on the final leg of their journey in Manchester, scaling the Imperial War Museum North. The pair discover how architect Daniel Libeskind designed the structure to reflect the chaos of war itself, and explore the technological advances that allowed it to be constructed in a two-year period using 80,000 sq ft of aluminium.

Peter Owen Jones 'How to live a simple life'

Peter Owen Jones on 'How to live a simple life' (top image)
St Francis of Assisi (bottom image)

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/tvandradio/bbc/7687158/Rev-Peter-Owen-Jones-Taking-financial-advice-from-St-Francis-of-Assisi.html

Memories from the series:

Living without any monetary means was the theme, how did it conclude? Well, it turned out that it was near impossible! He had to pay for a wheel barrow replacement, he had to pay for his car which amounted to much and he just gave up abit in the end, he felt defeated by the experience.

Much of the exercise was dependent on having charitable local villagers who felt sorry for him. Plus the results may have been different had it been in a more eastern location because customs and the nature of generosity is slightly different. It did seem abit mad cap but despite its failure it was very enlightening about how impossible this proposition was but yet it also revealed just how generous some people could/can be.

He kept chickens in a pen and they kept escaping or were they eaten by the local fox?
(Note to self should I want to keep chickens in future)

There was a point where he offered to give prayer services for passing commuters, he went to great lengths to get the advertising boards printed after they were printed incorrectly (to comic effect) and only one commuter turned up. (ahhh).

An artist lady who lived in a van or mobile home by choice really affected me because she felt 'time' was very valuable to her and her art is all she wanted to do, so she decided to live simply in a blue van, the only money she would need was for her petrol. Her time was her own and she is an exemplar of someone who has made that happen. I think she sold her art for income.
By the way, her art was superb, some indications from the subject matter that she have had some grim tendencies as one of her drawings was of the 'Grim Reaper'. I think I know her psychology, thoughts of mortality etc.

Peter Owen Jones 'Around the world in 80 faiths'

I like going down memory lane and revisiting some old documentaries I watched long ago and what lessons I learnt from them. I'm not Anglican but Peter Owen Jones is my favourite vicar and he's cool especially with that hat, trendy wrist bands and those boots.

Around the world in 80 faiths was broadcasted back in early 2009 (nearly two years ago) , it took him a year to visit 6 continents and 80 faiths.


http://www.bbc.co.uk/80faiths/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Around_the_World_in_80_Faiths


This item will be subject to additional comments later on.........

V for Vendetta

I just loved the view of V's living quarters with all them books!!!! Sorry, this is a fickle delight but its abit beyond my scope to be giving political commentaries about this fiction.

The English Patient 1996

I liked Ralph Fienne's character, he always had a notebook with its paper scrap inserts and pen to hand, ready to scribble down words that gave him insight to a moment. He treasured his moments, and these moments gave him this look of illumination as he spoke them. 'Words' had a potent power to his imagination.

It reminds me of an interview that I recall watching with Melvyn Bragg on the now defunct South Bank show, whereby he was asked how his methodology of writing worked and we saw how his desk would be covered with these notelets, scribbes on island upon island of coloured paper. An incoherent mess to us, but a treasure trove of infinite narrative possiblities to the writer.

Selected scene excerpts: transcription

In memoria di me (In Memory Of Me): 2007 (Italian)

I was very taken by this film, so much so that I had to rewatch it whilst 'pausing' intermittently in order to take down the words. I would only do this if I thought it was worth it, words can give one insight to internal realisations that one would not otherwise afford through any other medium, but then different mediums give us different insights so keeping ones life varied in the type of stimuli can lead us to many different and rich places in our minds.

The main character is Andrea, a novice about to embark on his training to his priesthood, a dark haired man with dark intelligent eyes. The film follows his personal journey of faith, doubt and self-realisation within the confines of this muted monastic environment. The atmosphere is heavy and the ominous sense infuses most of the scenes and heightened further by the concentrated expressions of Andrea as he learns of his environment.

@The opening scene is an interview with Andrea and the Questioner at the seminary. The seminary is situated on an isolated island in the beautiful setting of Venice.

Questioner says:

Why are you here? (Why is he at the Seminary studying to be a priest?)

Andrea says:

I want an ‘ideal’, a reason to live.

I don’t want the freedoms that everyone else chases.

It is ‘false’!

A ‘false freedom’!

Questioner says:

What type of life have you been leading up until now?

Andrea says:

One that has been without depriving my self of anything

I have loved and yet I didn’t feel like I was getting anywhere,

I felt like I had nothing more to give and my heart suffered.

But I buried into myself asking ‘why’.

Anyway for everyone else I was a winner.

I started losing sleep because I was afraid to turn around and find that there was nothing there.

I don’t know why I started going to Mass and reading the gospel.

It’s hard to explain………

A new way of ‘being’ occurred to me

Questioner says:

What do you want to become?

Andrea says:

A PERSON

Note: For Andrea, life holds no satisfaction and he uses the words ‘false freedoms’ which may be interpreted very widely, so he seeks God for answers. A life without a pursuit in God is unsatisfactory for him because even the highest forms of ‘happiness’ available to humanity in the sensory freedoms of life are not enough to equal the satisfaction derived from seeking God’s grace (he hopes, at this moment in time).

@ Next scene where Andrea arrives at the Father Superior’s office for the first time:

Father Superior says:

Please be seated.

Well done, you have passed the brief test of isolation.

Tomorrow, you will encounter your personal silence.

Silence sharpens discernment and will assess the vocation.

It is there as you know; this period dedicated to spiritual training.

It’s a question of changing your perspective, of changing the way you have viewed the world up until now.

To obtain a new perspective we must envelope ourselves in silence and prayer, we are not accustomed to listening to the silence which speaks deep within us…..where God dwells.

The rules of the house serve this purpose.

You will learn this.

Some of this will perhaps surprise you.

They will challenge your way of thinking.

Your brother will be looking out for you in the same way you will be looking out for them.

Indicating the shortcomings of a brother is to the Father Superior an act of charity.

It is like self-denunciation like confessing our own sins the dark side of your self which needs to be bought to light.

Do not forget that while there is a test of the order, the order will be testing you.

Note: The objective of the noviate is to ‘excavate’ further the depths of ones own purpose as a novice on the way to priesthood?

The overriding objective is to seek the ‘clarity’ which can only come about from the absence of distraction whereby the voice and presence of God is the only stimuli left in ones reality.

The isolation is like a ‘cleansing’ or ‘purifying’ process from our secular life of muddled purpose, essentially a seeking of a ‘new way of being’ as Andrea put it.

@ Communal evening meal time

I don’t remember whether this was before or after the communal meal where Fausto says: (this is loosely from memory paraphrased)

A person who truly recognises his own sins is better the one who sees an angel???

A person who prays in private is better than the one who enjoys the fame of his church.

Note: Fausto flags up the themes of ‘human weakness’ or ‘interference’ than can get in the way of ‘pure faith’. The ‘interference’ of faith is the personal identification of ones own faith in its private and public contexts.

The private face of faith is the true and pure one, while the public face of faith is unreliable in its sincerity of belief. The over-dependence on the public face of faith can indicate other motivations?

Fausto is a curious character, since he can identify the hallmarks of a ‘true faith’, yet he later ends up leaving the noviate because he says his mind is empty of any presence.

@45 minutes into the film: Andrea addresses the group of seated novices

What have we given up?

What we wouldn’t have wanted anyway?!

‘Love’ is commonplace that it was destined to die out of habit.

We have discovered that our revolution lies in rules.

Daily routines, rituals and liturgies which stop us from straying from the path

But this is still no guarantee that we will become better men.

We quote the scriptures.

Meditate using the gospel.

But no-one knows better than we do; how difficult it is to live by them.

Should we blame ourselves for this?

Is there another path for us?

Other than teaching the Gospel?

No.

We know that we must be guides for Humanity that according to the Gospel desires ethics that when sensing love prefers severity, that when hoping for forgiveness hurries to condemn. (This is clearly a criticism of practice)

A humanity that when it should fall silent and weep asks God to answer for what it is and it alone should have done?? (I don’t know if that bit is correct??)

Fausto says:

There is no love in what you say!!!

Andrea says:

I am not expecting people to fall in love?

I am here to learn the contents of my faith

Fausto says:

But love is the contents of the faith!!!

I think people should fall in love with Christ even having never read a word of the wealth of literature written about him.

How can you be so scientific about him!?

(Note: So Fausto believes in a more instinctive way with faith, in the end of the story, it becomes clear that Fausto had a crisis of faith all along, so this episode is an defensive outburst borne from an insecurity about his own faith and an attempt at ‘keeping up appearances’. Andrea is being honest and open about his own crisis, while Faust is concealing his. Before Fausto gave a speech about the public and private face of faith, he identified the falseness of public faith yet he is committing the very same criticism. Fausto has played a reverse psychology game out of personal desperation.)

Andrea says:

We are called upon to explain the reasons of our faith!?

The Gospel exists.

He who explains it must offer instruments for it to be understood.

Fausto says:

You are the Gospel when you are the Priest?

It is in that the people expect to see Christ

If there wasn’t a single copy of the Gospel in the world if I were told that God doesn’t exist, that Jesus Christ was only a lie, but if through someone else I truly experienced him myself, be certain, I’d prefer to stay with Christ than with all the truths of the world.

@1hour 30 minutes into the film:

alone on the pew>

“Tell me who I am”

“Tell me why I’m here”

“Who am I?”

“I pretend”

“I pretend”

“I’M PRETENDING”

“I’M PRETENDING” (slams his hand)

“I’m not able to love” (he cries)

“I am not able to love” (tears in eyes)….

“It’s not me”

“Do you understand me ….. It’s not me!”

“I’m worthless!”

“I don’t believe in anything!”

@1hour 38 minutes into the film:

After Andrea agrees to leave with his fellow novice Fausto from the seminary and noviate, he prepares his belongings to leave.

Andrea has his bag over shoulder and walks down the dark corridor, he hears some voices from the Father Superior’s room. It is Fausto and the Father Superior in discussion. Andrea eavesdrops and views through the door ajar with the light of the office illuminating his face amidst the dark surrounds of the corridor.

Father Superior says:

Why do you come to me?

To tell me that you want to be free!

You have always been free here!

You look at me with pride!

You should know that I spent some time chasing after the freedom you say you love.

What he was asking for was ‘unrestrained love’!

(It is said with emphasis in his voice)

But Christ had ‘too much’ faith in humanity!

Humanity does not want to be free!

Humanity wants to be slaves.

And so, we above all have chosen ‘his’ freedom, we have the ‘right’ to teach how it isn’t the ‘freedom of choice’ which your heart desires that counts.

Nor ‘the love’ you desire.

BUT, but ………… The Mystery,

- The Terrifying Mystery of a Weak God!

(Fausto says nothing throughout)

(Andrea’s expression looks changed as he hears these words, a moment of revelation has occurred in him)

Note: The words from Father Superior hit upon the bedrock of what anchored him to this life of devotion. A personal interpretation of Father Superior’s motivations was revealed through the following words ‘the terrifying mystery of a weak God’. These words were supposed to be for Fausto but Andrea inadvertently received them, an accident that ‘may’ or ‘may not’ have occurred had he not stopped to listen in on a conversation not for his ears.

In a way, one could say, it was like a ‘fate’, he was supposed to hear those words, they were meant for him, he was at the right place at the right time’, those words registered in Andrea but NOT in Fausto, like a key to a lock, Andrea’s faith was the ‘right key’, whereas Fausto’s was not, so Fausto left the vocation.

So what was Fausto about?

Fausto’s conception of faith was one of pure instinct, like a form unquestioning ‘love’, but this is an incomplete faith.

Fausto’s faith was under developed and emotionally ‘child-like’. A child is quick to like and quick to hate, they are quick to emote if things go well or bad for them. There is a fragility with a ‘pure love’ since love can turn to an intense hate and blame when things go wrong.

Whereas for Andrea was emotionally mature, for him ‘going through the motions’ in life are what most people call ‘fulfilling pleasures’.

The closing words of Andrea:

I occupy a place in God’s eyes

I am his plan

I was NOT made in vain

THE END!

(Excuse any grammar mistakes)